More Meat than Rice!

Dear fit, work out everyday people, stop calling yourself fat just bcuz you missed a day of gym or God forbid ate some carbs. There are some of us out here big like houses, fighting the battle of the bulge for years with many setbacks and disappointments. Dear people who are doing well stop calling yourself broke when the reason you cant afford your most recent desire is bcuz youve taken probably 5 trips for the year. Some of us out here really struggling to meet our bills; borrowing from one spot to repay another. Dear ugly people, please, please stop calling yourselves snacks. Nobody wants to eat you. You is ugly. Not your fault. Genetics are tricky. You still ugly tho.  Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

Dear Avril, (the one who does make the HEXPENSIVE plantain and cassava chips dem). There is a heavy-handed SALTER in yuh factory who salt down mih whole entire bag of plantain chips. You must find that person and promote them to Quality Control Manager bcuz girl dis de best yuh chips and dem ever taste. Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

Last night I dreamt my sister and I starring in a scripted comedy/reality competition alongside Melissa McCarthy and PDiddy in the Soca Kingdom for a World Cup Machel Monday of epic Proportion. Anybody have Yesenia Gonzales phone number? Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

Now since I small my foot big. People used to ask me if I wearing mih father shoes. Today when I getting dressed mih size 13 watch mih cut eye and ask me "where you feel you fitting dat big foot?" It hard as ass to get big foot shoes. What I go do now? Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

In d face of Covid and the new normal, man just cyah come and go as they please anymore. So we hadda find a new way of doing things; this includes entertaining the people man. So in d spirit of lock-down diplomacy, how yuh does go about asking a woman to borrow she man for a quick appointment? Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

The way my pride is set up  I could be home crying your name into my pillow every nite but you will never hear from me again. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

Picture it: Frederick street a little after high noon. The beauty is zantay-ing her body up the busy street 3 or 4 packs of brazillian remy / Peruvian wavy / Mongolian light or Russian Fedde. which ever, is on her head. A glorious breeze floods the street and I glance back across at the beauty whose luxurious hair has been captured by said breeze to reveal A SETTA SCALP. I too shame fuh she. tears come een mih eye yes! Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

So IF you know me you'd know that I had a magical childhood. I spent many an evening scrambling to do homework running between piano lessons and state dinners at the President's house or awards at the Prime Minister's residence. While most were in bed I was struggling to keep my eyes open as limbo dancers twirled by flambeau or jumping out of sleep's grasp, startled, when audiences erupted in ovation. Yes that's me, International superstar before I was even a teen. Some TV  stations still play my music video at Christmas time; cute as can be in my duck-egg-blue bowtie and cummerbund to match. As a result of my early adventures, constant rehearsals and a few other things, very early on I became the friend that's not coming. Especially these days, where I big and fat, if it's not something real easy and casual like going to Starbucks to people watch or to the movies or beach, I'm not coming. I've been on lockdown now for at least 6 months, or at le...

De way people was running out of Massy yesterday with tray upon tray of fried chicken really made me stop and think about the kind of people were are as Trinidadians. What hurt me the most about the display is that no one seemed to care that I too stood in the line and waited for said chicken. Finally when I realized that I wouldn't be getting any I was so crushed that I sank to the floor in a fit of tears. I decided that the only way to spend my grief would be to clearly roll from one end of Massy to the other. A woman had the impertinence to lift the edge of her skirt and say to me "excuse me" politely while stepping over me as if I wasn't giving the greatest performance of my life. How very dare she? I received no sympathy or understanding from the security personnel at Massy as they tried to stop me and pick me up off the floor. It was only when it was already 7 of them and I heard them radio for backup that I thought I better make a quiet exit for my mo...