Posts

Salty Porky Facbook! - Pre-dawn Old girls

Image
Good Morning. I need a representative from the Old Folks Association to help me out with this one. Where THE HELL old people does be walkin going at 4 and 5 in the morning? I've observed over the years that its especially little old women walking on deserted streets in POS BY THEMSELVES. By yourself on Duke Street At 4am? Richmond Street 430am? On the loneliest of streets Oxford Street Really? Where could you be going? Is there a geriatric flexx-out that y'all hustling home from? This is not safe and I'm often so worried about you all. Stay home until the sun begins to rise. See if you could turn some flour and make a bake. Entice yur children out of bed with said bake and they will drop you where you need to go. Unless its really a granny orgy or something like that and then that's just nasty. Concerned, Management Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

Salty Porky Facebook! - Workout Edition

Image
Dear fit, work out everyday people, stop calling yourself fat just bcuz you missed a day of gym or God forbid ate some carbs. There are some of us out here big like houses, fighting the battle of the bulge for years with many setbacks and disappointments. Dear people who are doing well stop calling yourself broke when the reason you cant afford your most recent desire is bcuz youve taken probably 5 trips for the year. Some of us out here really struggling to meet our bills; borrowing from one spot to repay another. Dear ugly people, please, please stop calling yourselves snacks. Nobody wants to eat you. You is ugly. Not your fault. Genetics are tricky. You still ugly tho.  Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

Salty Porky Facebook!

Image
Dear Avril, (the one who does make the HEXPENSIVE plantain and cassava chips dem). There is a heavy-handed SALTER in yuh factory who salt down mih whole entire bag of plantain chips. You must find that person and promote them to Quality Control Manager bcuz girl dis de best yuh chips and dem ever taste. Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

Salty Porky Facebook! - I need a Seer woman/Dream Interpreter

Image
Last night I dreamt my sister and I starring in a scripted comedy/reality competition alongside Melissa McCarthy and PDiddy in the Soca Kingdom for a World Cup Machel Monday of epic Proportion. Anybody have Yesenia Gonzales phone number? Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

Salty Porky Facebook!

Image
Now since I small my foot big. People used to ask me if I wearing mih father shoes. Today when I getting dressed mih size 13 watch mih cut eye and ask me "where you feel you fitting dat big foot?" It hard as ass to get big foot shoes. What I go do now? Life - It ain't easy but it sweet!

Excerpt from short story 'Good Dining'

We were sitting in the middle of that old park on Fayette Street, (I could never remember the name) the one opposite the Merrill-Lynch building, and I was worried. It was the height of summer and it was hot and sticky. It always was at this time of year, but it felt different. The park seemed to groan around us as the slightest breeze worked its way around, temporarily relieving the suffocating dampness all around us. It should have relaxed me I guess, but instead in that moment I felt terribly cold and it seemed that I was not alone. The leaves hissed, almost curled in contempt and they burned their darkest green, in seeming retaliation to the brief change. Their sudden movement caused the bright mid-afternoon sun to come piercing through in fleeting diamond-shaped shards that jabbed and sliced across shaded areas beneath the trees; daggers I thought to myself as they fell across my face and burnt spots that had been cold just moments before. The heat was rising in shimmering waves

Makeup Talk - Excerpt from makeup article for online magazine.

I absolutely adore makeup and what it achieves when it is correctly applied. My name is Sunil W and I’ve been using makeup for a number of years. It’s been my pleasure to have worked on a wide range of people from drag queens to brides, models and beauty queens and of course John and Jane public. I became interested in makeup application in the later part of my teenaged years when assurances that my acne filled skin would soon clear up, failed to come to pass. At that time, my focus was creating fresh flawless skin, a task which would prove a lot more difficult than I imagined. Now, 462 pots of foundation, millions of foam wedges later, I’ve become recognized for my work and willingness to share my skill. There is only one fixed rule in makeup application; HAVE FUN! Everything else can be manipulated to achieve the desired look A person’s makeup kit is actually their personal bag of tricks. Once you understand the basics of makeup application, you’ll soon realize that what is r